The Tender Bar

The memoir reflects how Moehringer’s mother, Dorothy Maguire, played a substantial part in Moehringer’s upbringing. Moehringer explains how his mother saved herself and him from his abusive father when he was only an infant and how she worked arduously to provide for him despite never receiving assistance from his father. Throughout the book, Moehringer demonstrates that his mother was a supportive, loving, reassuring, and generally optimistic parent. Importantly, she kept his ambitions high. Even though they were poor, she always insisted he would go to Harvard or Yale University, which he eventually did.

Because of his father’s absence and his grandmother’s lessons, Moehringer also felt an immense responsibility towards his mother, even as a young child. Due to their hardship, one of Moehringer’s main goals in life was to provide financially for his mother, a thought that both motivated and haunted him well into adulthood. His mother’s influence also meant that, while he lived with his Grandpa for many years, he never considered him a role model or friend. His mother had a distant and conflicted relationship with her father, so Moehringer also kept his distance, instead spending time with his Grandma, Uncle Charlie, or McGraw.

Moehringer describes his mother as having “toughness, persistence, determination, reliability, honesty, integrity, guts” (345), all of which were qualities he prized so highly in men. Despite imitating and idolizing men his whole youth, at the end of the book Moehringer commits himself to following his mother’s example.

Moehringer’s Grandma played a key role in his childhood. When he lived at her house in Manhasset, she was his caregiver while his mother worked, and as a result, they spent much time together. His grandmother understood that since his father was absent, Moehringer needed other male role models. As such, she regaled him with stories “to summon new male voices” for him (46).

Moehringer writes lovingly about her storytelling abilities, and he recalls a common theme in many of those stories: “Real men take care of their mothers” (232). This theme, along with his Grandma’s frequent instructions to be a “good man” or a “strong man” often made Moehringer feel anxious and burdened. However, he also recognized that his Grandma was the kindest person in his family and wanted the best for him and his mother. Moehringer was especially struck by his Grandma’s frank stories of abuse in her family’s past, and he took her desire for him to be “good” very seriously. These lessons influenced Moehringer deeply and played a large part in him becoming such a different man from his father or grandfather.