Reviving Ophelia

In the vein of Chapter 5, Chapter 6 opens with an anecdote about Pipher’s relationship with her father. While his views on race and gender were rigid, she was his prize, and they were close. Pipher notes that “all fathers are products of their times” (160) and that the views fathers hold about gender and the world can greatly impact their daughters’ development. She lists three categories of father-daughter relationships she has observed: “supportive, distant, and abusive” (162). Then, Pipher again transitions into a series of four anecdotes, each a unique picture of a father-daughter relationship. Pete is a single father who, due to health issues, is cared for by his stubborn and altruistic daughter Katie. Holly and her Dad Dale, a single parent family abandoned by the mother, were distant and lonely and came to Pipher for help to rebuild their relationship after Holly’s suicide attempt. Pipher clarifies that the roles fathers stepped into during her generation and the ’90s were more rigid than they are today, and thankfully now men and women both have more flexibility in their parenting and expression styles. Fathers today are more likely than ever to react as mothers typically do to their teenage daughters’ growth toward independence—with pride and grief for the lost time with their daughter. Pipher is optimistic about the future of relationships between adolescent girls and their parents, stating “these new, positive relationships that girls have with both their fathers and mothers allow the generations to enjoy each other’s company and work together toward common goals” (177).

To conclude her thoughts and experiences on the relationships between parents and daughters, Pipher examines the topic of divorce and how it affects adolescent development. The first anecdote Pipher presents is that of Jean and her daughter Julia, a family who went through divorce, several moves, and a new marriage into a blended family. The divorce and following chaos took a toll on Julia, who became lost in the shuffle and resorted to drugs and alcohol to cope. This story serves as a segue into Pipher’s argument that divorce, while sometimes necessary, is often devastating for the children and parents involved. It creates distance and economic instability and removes the sense of safety and security that the children once relied on. Furthermore, parents are often so caught up in the divorce process or grieving the marriage that they unintentionally neglect their children. Taryn’s family divorced when her mother Lois had an affair, and Taryn was filled with rage and resentment for her mother until she spent time with Pipher. Amy was the daughter of two parents in the middle of a rocky divorce, both of whom made every effort to pit their daughter against the other.

On the other side of the spectrum is Jasmine, a girl who was able to cope with her parents’ divorce in a healthy manner due to their ability to do the same. Pipher contextualizes her discussion on divorce by explaining that divorce rates were nearly double in the 1990s compared to today. The divorce rate has slowed largely out of necessity and a need for some form of stability in a constantly changing world. The final anecdote of the chapter tells the story of Desi, who through her relationship with God and the youth group she joined was able to overcome the pain of her parents’ divorce. Pipher ends by stating that divorce can be traumatic and disruptive for adolescent girls but that most eventually recover and are happy.