Free Lunch

Rex Ogle’s memoir Free Lunch details his sixth-grade year, with its title immediately denoting a sense of unmet needs. The opening scenes set a dark precedent for the memoir, and the mood is heavy and violent as Rex describes his home life and mother’s attempts to cope with their lack of money. When he begins sixth grade, he is defiant and refuses to understand anything from his mother’s perspective. This is evident when they go to the grocery store and he becomes infuriated that he can’t buy anything he wants, and even more so when Luciana pulls out food stamps. Rex compares his situation to that of his friends, which is common for children his age, and not necessarily a fault, but something he must grow out of if he is to develop a broader understanding of his situation: “When Liam goes to the store with his mom, she lets him get anything he wants” (6). Luciana’s response to this naïveté is that Liam’s parents are rich and Liam himself spoiled. Neither Rex nor Luciana is correct in this situation, but neither is willing to look past their pride and come to a mutual understanding. In this case, while Liam is not necessarily rich, he is more privileged than Rex’s family, and because Luciana is viewing the situation from an extreme perspective, those of the middle class seem rich to her. Rex fails to understand this discrepancy, or why he can’t have what Liam has, while Luciana’s antagonism only exacerbates their lack of proper communication. Both Rex and Luciana trade barbs due to their respective struggles, but it is important to note that Luciana is Rex’s mother, an authority figure who should be held to a higher standard (especially since her emotional abuse often escalates into physical abuse).

Rex’s anger is partly due to a lack of understanding and empathy for his mother, but also intuition. In observing his friends, Rex wishes for their kind of life, and doesn’t yet understand the barriers that lie between. Simultaneously, he views his mother as fully responsible for everything that goes wrong and criticizes all of her decisions. While Luciana is in the wrong for her abuse of Rex, she is not necessarily at fault for being poor. It is not until months later that Luciana explains to Rex the painful irony of finding work when one is without: “When you don’t have a job, no one wants to hire you. No one wants to take a chance” (167). Throughout his childhood, Rex views his situation as isolated and shameful. In truth, Rex’s situation is just one example of millions of children in America who go without food, water, and other necessities, and who sometimes face abuse at the hands of parents who are too drained to function. Rex finds it unfair that his mother’s love for him seems dependent on her financial situation. The Damaging Effects of Abuse and Conditional Love are particularly evident when he has dark thoughts about hurting others, blames himself for his mother’s abuse or the abuse she suffers from boyfriend Sam, and the physical pain he experiences after she hurts him. Rex feels self-hatred when he has these thoughts and wonders if something is wrong with him: “I wonder if I’m sick, or having a heart attack, or if I’m going crazy. I shake my head. I’m not like my mom. I’m not crazy. I can control this” (22). He faces a plethora of internal and external conflicts, many of which are beyond his years—including taking care of his younger brother, balancing the family budget, cleaning, and comforting his mother when she’s in emotional crisis.