After We Collided

“If I’m being completely honest with myself, I want to stay with him. I want to tell him that I love him more than I want to breathe, but I can’t. I refuse to get pulled back in and be that girl who lets guys do whatever the hell they want to her.”

As Tessa struggles after learning of Hardin and Zed’s bet about her virginity, she fights against her natural instinct to go back to Hardin. Tessa sees what Hardin’s actions say about him, but she has a tendency to overlook his many flaws—she has already forgiven him for other bad acts early in their relationship. Tessa’s desire to protect herself from the way Hardin treated her in the past shows a logical understanding of what a relationship with Hardin would be like in the future, but her passion for him makes it difficult to walk away. Her resolve does not last long.

“You know, doesn’t it feel like it’s getting old just partying and hooking up with different girls all the time?”

Hardin asks Jace this question, showing a level of growth from the first novel of this series. Although Hardin has so far been an abusive, antisocial womanizer, he is beginning to see that this is not the kind of life he wants. Hardin is also breaking free of the peer pressure that led to some of his bad acts in the previous novel, a sign that he is ready for a committed relationship.

“I have suddenly become everything I was terrified of being, and she has complete control of me. She could make me the happiest man on earth, or she could crush me with one word.”

Hardin’s thoughts about Tessa show the depth of his emotion. In the previous novel, Hardin was a rebellious, wild type who didn’t care about anyone. Now he’s acknowledging that Tessa matters to him, that her desire to be with him can change the way he feels about everything. This is another example of how Hardin has changed since the first novel. This is also the setup for the jealousy and lack of trust that will make the relationship tumultuous.

“I shift uncomfortably, unsure how to behave around Hardin unless we’re together or fighting. This is an odd place for us, though I suddenly realize this is a pattern of ours: Karen and Ken had been under the impression that we were dating before we actually were.”

Tessa struggles to be near Hardin when they are pretending to be together for his mother’s sake. They have a history of giving a false impression about their relationship—one of their many unhealthy repeated behaviors. Tessa and Hardin fall into a cycle of Mistrust Leading to Misunderstandings. Their jealousy often causes them to act in inappropriate, sometimes violent ways—but keeping them from learning to change undergirds the novel’s soap opera structure, with many climactic moments that end in sex scenes.

“But you can forgive him? He’s the one who started it all—and you forgave him. How fucked up is that?”

Stephanie’s words to Tessa regarding Hardin and the bet illustrate the theme of Offering and Accepting Forgiveness. Stephanie knew all along what Hardin was up to, so Tessa feels that Stephanie betrayed her by not telling her the truth. However, although Tessa has forgiven Hardin—the actual perpetrator of the bet—she is unwilling to do the same with Stephanie. Tessa’s ability to forgive is based on her emotional connection to the person who committed the wrong. Tessa has a deep desire for Hardin, which makes it easy to gloss over his red flags. Stephanie is a more distant figure, as the novel features no female friendships and typically casts Tessa’s women peers as rivals. Still, when called out in this manner, Tessa quickly forgives Stephanie, giving insight into Tessa’s easily manipulated personality.

“I feel it the moment it happens. I feel the change in the room, the energy shifting. Trish is now on my mother’s side of this. I try desperately to cling to the edge of the crumbling cliff that is Hardin, but I can see it all perfectly in the disgusted glare she gives her son. A look I can tell is nothing new. It’s something she’s had to use on him before, like a memory brought back as a facial expression. A look that all but says she believes, once again, every bad thing anyone’s ever said about her son.”

The first novel of the series hints that Hardin had a difficult childhood, though his relationship with his mother was painted as a close one. Here, when the truth about the bet comes out, Trish’s reaction shows that things have not always been good between mother and son. From Trish’s deep disappointment, it is clear that Hardin’s mother knows something about his past, and that Hardin’s fear of commitment and fear of losing Tessa is rooted in his mother’s inability to remain on his side in moments of conflict.

“Honestly, I’m still fucking irritated about the bracelet. I wanted her to wear my bracelet every day—wanted it to be her favorite gift.”

The theme of Desire to Control and Be Controlled is touched on here. Hardin is angry with his father and Karen for buying Tessa a charm bracelet that is more expensive than the custom one Hardin got for Tessa. Hardin wants Tessa to think his gift is better than anyone else’s, an aspect of his need to control her.

“When I look at Kimberly, she shakes her head in disapproval before grabbing a folder off her desk and leaving us alone. Tessa glares at her friend, and I almost laugh.”

Here is an example of Tessa and Hardin’s different attitudes toward the opinions of loved ones and friends. Hardin’s lack of concern about Kimberly’s feelings reflects his lack of empathy for others and his need to be in control of Tessa at all times. Tessa, who seems to crave Hardin’s control, instead places the blame for hurt feelings on the friend who is judging her. This is an example of how Tessa’s logic is sidetracked when she’s with Hardin.

“She answers my thoughts by looking back at me before pressing her lips against his. I blink rapidly in an attempt to make this disappear. This isn’t happening. She wouldn’t do that, not Tessa, no matter how pissed off she is.”

Kissing a stranger shows Tessa’s level of immaturity—she is overreacting to overhearing an exchange between Hardin and another girl. Tessa often accuses Hardin of cheating on her and fighting his assumptions about her fidelity. Here, kissing someone in retaliation for a potential moment of infidelity is manipulative, impulsive, and hypocritical. This moment also foreshadows Tessa’s general tendency to turn to other men after breaking up with Hardin.

“He never plans on having a future with me. I knew this somewhere deep inside, but it still hurts me to hear him say it, especially the cold and confident way he said it, like it was a joke or something. He could have softened the blow, even just a little.”

Tessa overhears Hardin tell a five-year-old he never plans to get married and reacts with immediate grief. Tessa and Hardin have only been together for four or five months, so her reaction seems to be a little over the top at this point in their relationship—but it also is part of their unwillingness to talk about the things that bother them. Tessa doesn’t ask Hardin about his feelings on marriage, allowing this issue to become a problem.

“As each text remains unanswered, the panic inside of me grows. He has changed so much, improved his behavior.

Faith. Have I had too much faith in Hardin? If I continue to have faith in him, will he change?”

Hardin has disappeared and Tessa struggles with intrusive thoughts about where he might be. Even as Tessa worries that he’s cheating on her, she’s also crying because he isn’t ready to marry her. Tessa’s thoughts contradict themselves, showing her doubts and her lack of trust while also acknowledging that Hardin is not the same person he was when they first met.

“I know I’m the one who left, the one who walked away, but it kills me that he hasn’t even tried to get in touch with me. I have always given more in the relationship, and this was his chance to show me how he truly feels. I guess in a way he’s showing me—it’s just that what he feels is the opposite of what I had desperately wanted. Needed.”

Tessa’s view of her relationship with Hardin reveals some truths about her character. Tessa doesn’t see how her avoidant behavior—walking away on the day of her accident instead of letting Hardin explain himself—has led to this separation. Tessa has gotten into the habit of leaving Hardin each time one of these misunderstandings takes place—with good reason, since often his jealousy explodes in a violent rage that he later makes her apologize for, claiming that she is the one in the wrong.

“This must be how Tessa feels when I hurt her. I can’t imagine her fragile body withstanding this type of pain, but clearly she’s stronger than she appears. She has to be to put up with me.”

Hardin’s and Tessa’s understandings of their conflicts are miles apart. Hardin recognizes that his actions have caused Tessa pain. Tessa sees Hardin’s faults, but cannot acknowledge that she might be partially to blame for staying in this codependent, emotionally abusive relationship. Though Hardin is taking steps to correct some of his bad tendencies, Tessa is stuck in an impulsive and submissive worldview that will continue to limit the potential of her relationship with Hardin.

“I know he’s right—I would have been much better off with him. I deserve this. I deserve to be happy. I’ve suffered enough and dealt with enough of Hardin’s bullshit, and he hasn’t even tried to talk to me about it. Only a weak person would run back to someone who has trampled on them repeatedly. I can’t be that weak, I have to be strong and move on. Or try at least.”

As foreshadowed previously, Tessa’s habit when she and Hardin hit a rough patch is to turn to someone else for sexual attention. This time she approaches Zed, trusting in everything he has to say and finding him to be a kinder person than Hardin despite the fact that Zed also bet on Tessa’s virginity. Tessa’s need to jump into another relationship showcases her lack of maturity and experience in the world. However, her assessment of herself as weak for continuing to go back to Hardin has merit.

“My mind travels back to that quiet street in England, to Natalie’s swollen belly, to Elijah’s adoring smile for his fiancée. Trevor is looking at Tessa that same way.

Trevor is her Elijah. He’s her second chance to have what she deserves.”

In previous chapters, Tessa compared herself to Natalie, wondering if Hardin would ruin her life like he did Natalie’s. In this chapter, it is Hardin who compares the two. He decides unilaterally to completely withdraw from her life—ostensibly so that she could achieve the same sort of happiness Natalie has found. Hardin decides that Tessa deserves a competent, mature man like Trevor without consulting Tessa or asking her what she wants. This is Hardin once again exerting control over Tessa by deciding how she should live her life without taking the time to consider what Tessa herself might want.

“‘Not to be a jerk, but you can’t ignore the irony of the fact that you were so obsessed with her being with someone like her, but she ends up seeing someone just like you,’ Landon says.”

Landon is Hardin and Tessa’s confidant, always happy to give advice about their relationship. Here, Landon points out that although Hardin has always thought Tessa would be better off with someone like herself because she was with Noah, a boy much like Tessa, when they first met, Tessa clearly enjoys the drama and the control that comes with being with Hardin. She keeps reverting to Zed to manipulate Hardin, rather than because she genuinely wants to be with Zed. This spurs Hardin to pursue Tessa again.

“Just because he can’t love you the way you want him to doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you with everything he has,’ he says.”

Once again, Landon comes through with good advice. Tessa has constantly questioned Hardin’s love for her and his loyalty to her, a fact that has caused many fights and separations. This repetitiveness shows that Tessa is not learning from each experience. Pointing this out will change the way Tessa views Hardin’s actions and will allow her to give him time to explain himself and attempt to work things out with her.

“Shit didn’t make sense before Tessa came around.”

Hardin acknowledges that his life changed when he met Tessa, something even Tessa recognizes, but rarely gives Hardin credit for. Tessa gives Hardin a reason to be a good man and to grow up, something that has become evident over the course of this novel. Hardin has changed and a lot of that is due to his growth in character and growing maturity.

“She’s going to be pissed at me at least one more time because of Zed, but he needs to know that she’s mine and that if he fucking touches her again, he’s dead.”

Once again, Hardin makes a promise to Tessa that he doesn’t plan to keep. Hardin’s jealousy leads to rages—he often chooses to get into physical altercations over her. Here, he plans to attack Zed, a fight that will have repercussions Hardin doesn’t predict. Hardin’s decision creates a situation that could drive them apart, as he is arrested and possibly will be expelled from school and have to return to England.

“I would love to see the words in her favorite novel that remind her of me. This is the best gift anyone could have possibly given me. These are the simple things, the things that give me hope that somehow we can make this work, the fact that both of us were doing the same thing, reading Jane Austen, when neither of us was aware of the other.”

Tessa’s gift to Hardin, an annotated copy of Pride and Prejudice, symbolizes the things they find joy in. At the same time, like most of the novel’s plot elements and objects, this Austen classic can only be read as a reflection on Hardin and Tessa’s relationship—it doesn’t expand their inner lives, but instead only recapitulates their various disagreements. When Hardin reads the passages Tessa has highlighted, he can only relate them to moments in their past. This gift helps Hardin feel connected to Tessa; however, Tessa tries to take the book away and hide it, suggesting that she no longer feels the same way. Hardin ignores her impulse, showing his determination to be a part of her life without overanalyzing her thoughts and actions.

“That’s the problem with Hardin: he hasn’t quite realized that his actions have consequences.”

Tessa’s analysis of Hardin’s personality is ironic here. She notes that Hardin seems to act without regard to the consequences, but she is similarly impulsive, kissing a stranger in front of Hardin after a misunderstanding; moving out of the apartment after he lied about being with a female friend; and kissing Zed just to hurt Hardin. Tessa judges Hardin for not understanding the consequences of his actions, but she is complicit in staying in their dysfunctional relationship.

“‘I won’t press charges against him, but please promise me that you’ll think about this. All of this; think how much easier your life would be without him, Tessa. He attacked me for no reason, and here you are cleaning up his mess, as always,’ he says, utterly irritated.”

Zed pushes Tessa to leave Hardin. While Zed has been kind to Tessa’s face, behind her back he has been working to break Tessa and Hardin up, making him the series antagonist. Tessa is too naive to see Zed’s agenda, believing that he isn’t the one who sent texts from Hardin’s phone at his birthday party and accepting Zed’s version of what happened with the strippers. At the same time, Zed is right that Tessa is forced to clean up Hardin’s messes. In this instance, she stops Hardin from going to jail, but she might not be able to stop his expulsion from school.

“For now, I’ll stay the coward that I am and push the news of Seattle back another day while I roll onto my side and he gathers me in his arms.”

This novel began with the revelation of a secret Hardin kept from Tessa that nearly destroyed their relationship. It is now ending with a secret Tessa is keeping from Hardin about moving to Seattle. The cycle of passion, separation, and reconciliation will thus continue into the next novel in the series.